"I See You, I Hear You": What Parents Can say to Defuse their Child's Anger

Anger can be like a volcanic eruption for our little ones, overwhelming and powerful. In my work, I often liken these outbursts to the fiery release of pressure from an active volcano, triggered by the emotional control center in our brains, the amygdala. It's crucial for kids to understand that when they feel like they're about to explode with anger, it's just their body's way of responding to big feelings with fight, flight, or freeze instincts.

During these moments, your child may fear that your love for them hinges on their behavior. While you may feel frustrated or upset, maintaining a calm demeanor is key.

Here are five things your angry child needs to hear from you:

• "I hear you are having a hard time. Let’s talk this through." Encourage them to express their feelings and help them put words to their emotions. Understanding the root of their anger is the first step to finding a solution.
  

• "I still love you no matter what." Reassure them that your love is unconditional. As their safe person and role model, your unwavering love provides them with security and comfort during turbulent times.
  

• "It's okay to feel angry; it's a normal human emotion." Normalize their feelings by likening anger to energy that needs to flow healthily through and out of the body. Encourage them to accept their emotions without judgment.
  

• "Let's find healthy ways to release your anger." Provide them with a toolbox of coping strategies. Physical activities like stomping feet or hitting a pillow can help release pent-up tension. Alternatively, journaling, drawing, or crying can serve as outlets for their emotions.
  

• "Let's remember our family boundaries and values." Reinforce any household rules or values if necessary, such as respecting siblings or communicating kindly. Remind them that these boundaries are in place to ensure everyone's well-being and happiness.
  

Take action today! Start implementing these strategies to support your child in managing their anger effectively. Additionally, consider seeking guidance from a child and parent coach like myself. Together, we can develop personalized approaches to help your child navigate their emotions and strengthen your parent-child bond.